Upside Down

Hi Everyone,

No pictures with this blog entry - sorry. This is a sad blog entry. Our world was turned upside down. I always want uplifting blogs on our little family site, but sometimes life throws us those curve balls.

On June 26th, we lost a very special man. Papa (Earl Lee Fulton) went home to be with the Lord. He is no longer suffering, but his family back on Earth is mourning his lost. He may not be hurting anymore, but we are. We are comforted in knowing that he is at peace and not in pain anymore.

Back in the beginning of June, I suggested to my mother in law that Chris should go up and spend some time with just mom and dad. I would watch the kids for a few days by myself - no big deal. He went up for Father's Day and came back that Tuesday. We knew Papa was declining, but not to a point where they were going to put him in Hospice. We got the phone call from Baba that Thursday after Chris came home and she told us that Papa was going into Hospice the next day. I went that Friday to say my goodbye. They told us two weeks, but he was only in Hospice for 4 days. Chris and I decided to let the boys see him one more time. They went to see Papa on the afternoon of the 26th. Nicholas wanted to see him! It was a precious moment. The morphine was being increased every two hours at that point, so Papa was really out of it. He tried to open his eyes a few times - we think he knew Nicholas was there. Nicholas left telling Papa, "You will always be my Papa." Papa died 3 hours later.

Nicholas is doing OK. People tell me he doesn't fully understand what is going on, but I think he is more aware of the situation than we realize. I was making eggs this morning and he asks me "Why did Papa go to heaven?" I told him because he was very sick and in a lot of pain. God didn't want him to be in pain anymore. He is going to keep making these comments and I try to be prepared. This was his first grandparent. I remind my brother how lucky we were to have grandparents to live a long time. My Nana is 90 years old! He is at an age where he may have some memories of Papa. The social worker for Hospice has been great. I have a card with their number and an Elmo DVD to watch. I am not to the point where we need to watch it yet, but if he keeps popping up with questions and I feel I am not answering them the right way - then we will watch it. There was a thunderstorm this afternoon and I said Papa is a bowling a really good game and they are taking his pictures. Nicholas liked that!

Jacob is doing OK too. Obviously, he can't express his feelings like Nicholas, but I notice him going through some stuff. I feel bad because he won't have any memories of Papa. He was six months old when Papa entered Kingston. They did make a few trips up there. Jacob had three things happen to him - all at the same time. 1) Mommy is home - full time (YAY!) but wait 2) Daddy is leaving and not coming home and 3) What in the world is Mommy doing to me once, twice and  three times a week? Oh, therapy. He is settling down with everything now - but it was a tough transition. Tough for Niko too. We can't have Niko involve with the therapy sessions, so he goes to my Mom's. I am so glad my mom is able to watch Nicholas. She is our constant right now, and Niko needs that. Anyway, physical therapy is rough! I knew it would be - I think that is the area he needs the most help with. Chris came for the first time and he thought - Oh boy! Jacob cries - a lot and needs a lot of work. We will get it though.

Now that things are getting calmer again - I think both boys will be OK. We just need Summer to simmer down a bit :)

Chris and I are doing OK. I can't speak for Chris and I don't know what is going on with him. He is grieving in his own way. I always let him know that he can talk to me. He has been taking care of his Mom and making sure she is OK. He is such a good son! I am doing OK. I can't break down in front of Nicholas. That will ruin everything that we done so far with Nicholas accepting that Papa is in heaven. I have my flashbacks of Papa, It will take time, but with time it will heal everything.

Rest in Peace Papa - Earl Lee Fulton (January 29th, 1938 - June 26th, 2012) - 74 years old